An entire house of windows was caught frolicking on a beach at Sandy Hook late Friday night. Officer John Andrews discovered the windows after local residents began complaining.
Upon further investigation, Officer Andrews reported that the naked windows claimed to be from a house somewhere in Monmouth County, but would not say exactly where. The windows were given paper shades to cover themselves and transported to the local detention center for further questioning.
"I saw them out there and couldn't believe my eyes. They were dancing around completely undressed!" said a bystander.
Homeowner Buddy ShouldaKnownBetter was contacted early Saturday morning after he reported his entire house of windows missing. Saturday afternoon authorities released the windows to the homeowner under conditions they work with a professional to resolve the conflict.
"I'm tired of being so transparent!" said one window. "We have the right to privacy just like eveyone else and we deserve better than this."
"I've been there for two years and nothing has been done to dress me! We have rights too." said a smaller window.
Mr. ShouldaKnownBetter has agreed that if the windows were returned, he would call The Custom Curtain to resolve the issue and dress the windows appropriately.
Don't be like Buddy. For happy windows, get your smile on and call The Custom Curtain. You'll be glad you did.
House of Windows BUSTED, Part 2
The windows were giddy with delight, draping themselves in luxurious fabrics. They'd play around with a blind or a shade, then add draperies and throw in decorative hardware and trim for the extra 'bling'.
"Dang, I look amazing from every angle! I'm not trying to show up the rest of the house, but hey, I deserve to look good too." said one window with a wink and a nod.
Andersen, a large, dramatic window on the back of the house chimed in. "When you walk through the front door, it's completely open and you see through to the back of the house. I want to look good up-close, but I need to be eye-catching from a distance."
As Andersen heard what he was saying, he chuckled. "Listen to me, I sound like an interior designer."
"You wish Andersen!" yelled a nearby window.
Pella, a petite window over the kitchen sink said she wants to do a small valance in whatever fabric Andersen is doing so they can "blend". (Rumor has it that these two have been cavorting with each other for some time now, but it can neither be confirmed nor denied as of this writing.)
The windows had a lot to say and homeowner Buddy ShouldaKnownBetter had finally listened. The windows explained that if they were dressed properly and given the right accessories, they could make his life even more beautiful and functional. They could light up his home or be the protective buffer to keep the world out whenever he needed it. "Help us, to help you." they told him.
Homeowner Buddy ShouldaKnownBetter was misty-eyed. He had no idea how much the windows felt ignored and he didn't realize what a dramatic difference it would make in the home.
When the windows are happy, the whole house is happy.
House of Windows BUSTED - Part 3 of 3
You deserve to know how things turned out.
During a counseling session one quiet window spoke up, addressing the homeowner. "Don't you realize how important this is? We bring light into your life and sunshine into your world. We're the buffer between you and the outside and we can close that world out whenever you want. We're here for you."
What he heard made a lot of sense.
Buddy ShouldaKnownBetter knows better now. "I'll never make that mistake again." he said with confidence.
The windows had been carefully dressed in treatments that suited their personality and purpose. They felt cared for and loved. "This was a great experience." said one beaming, stylish window. "Everyone made us feel special and important."
Andersen and Pella now feel like the "beautiful couple" of windows that they are and they want the same for all windows.
Do you care about windows feelings, happy homes and ever happier homeowners?
If you've been moved by this story and want to stand up for the treatment of naked windows, let's work together and make a difference. The windows thank you ahead of time for your awesomeness.
And remember, happy windows make happy homes.
THE END (but it's really just the beginning, so call The Custom Curtain and let's start a movement). You'll be glad you did. : )
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